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The entire canon of Western philosophy thru a scatological
lens
PHILOSOPHICAL SHIT LIST
© 1998, 2002 Andrew Boyd
[add
your own! -or- suggest
improvements]
[see reader entries so far]
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| Thales | All shit is water. |
| Anaximander | There is an unlimited amount of shit. |
| Pythagoras | Shit is a number. |
| Xenophanes | If shit had a God, God would look like shit. |
| Parmenides | One big, finite, round, motionless, continuous shit. |
| Heraclitus | You can't step in the same shit twice. |
| Zeno | If you can cut shit in half forever, is shit infinite? |
| Socrates | The unexamined shit is not worth shitting. |
| Plato | All shit is a shadow of the Ideal Shit. |
| Aristotle | Shit is what shit does. |
| Epicurus | This shit feels good. |
| Stoics | I can handle this shit. |
| Sceptics | I'm not sure about this shit. |
| Neoplatonism | The First Shit is the best shit. |
| Augustine | We can know God's shit. |
| Avicenna | First there was the universal shit, then all the particular shits. |
| Averroes | God turns potential shit into actual shit. |
| Maimonides | God takes no literal shits, only allegorical ones. |
| Aquinas | In his goodness, God created all this shit. |
| Occam | Given several shits, the simpler shit is more likely to be the true shit. |
| Copernicus | We're not the center of all this shit. |
| Galileo | This shit moves (no matter what the Pope says). |
| Descartes | I shit, therefore I am. |
| Hobbes | This shit is nasty, brutish and short. |
| Spinoza | One big, beautiful, rational, cosmic shit. |
| Leibniz | In every head is a little shithead. |
| Locke | The shape and size of this piece of shit are truly in this shit, but its smell and color are only in my mind. |
| Berkeley | There is no shit, only God's idea of shit. |
| Hume | There is no shit, just me shitting. |
| Voltaire | This is the best of all possible shits. |
| Rousseau | Man is free to shit but is everywhere constipated. |
| Kant | Shit as though everyone were to shit as you shit. |
| Fichte | My shit is even more idealistic than Kant's shit. |
| Schelling | This shit is too beautiful not to be real. |
| Hegel | Shit and anti-shit make better shit (but the 19th century German State is the best shit of all.) |
| Feurebach | You are what you shit. |
| Marx | You have nothing to lose but your shit--you have a whole shit-house to win. |
| (Lenin) | What is to be shit? |
| (Mao) | This shit has a distinctly Chinese character. |
| Compte | The only shit is the shit you can smell. |
| Mill | The greatest shit for the greatest number. |
| Schopenhauer | Will this unhappy shit. |
| Kierkegaard | In fear and trembling I leap into the shit. |
| Dostoyevski | If no shit is true, then all shitting is permitted. |
| Nietzsche | Overcome your shit. |
| Freud | Improper toilet training during the anal stage of psycho-sexual development -- a classic conflict between the id, which derives pleasure from fecal expulsion, and the ego and superego, which represent the practical and societal pressures to control anal activity -- can lead to the formation of an anal retentive character type: an adult, literally, who hasn't fully dealt with their childhood shit. |
| Jung | Your individual shit is an archetype of the collective shit. |
| James | All shit is of one fundamental shittiness, neither just in my mind nor in the toilet. |
| Russell | I will give you a definite description of this shit. |
| Wittgenstein | The shit of which you cannot speak, must be pointed at. |
| Whitehead | Every shit is everywhere at all times. |
| Bergson | We live amidst a dynamic flux of shit. |
| Heidegger | Shit! I was a Nazi. |
| Arendt | Shit! I slept with him. |
| Husserl | Bracket this [shit]. |
| Merleau-Ponty | Shit is a bowel movement of the lived and existential body. |
| Sartre | Hell is other people's shit. |
| De Beauvoir | One is not born a shit, but rather becomes a shit. |
| Camus | Rebel against this absurd shit. |
| Fanon | Instead of pretending to be white shit, black shit should violently overthrow colonialism. |
| Levi-Strauss | There can be no raw shit unless some other shit is cooked. |
| Barthes | Even the most natural-looking shit is the product of bourgeois artifice. |
| Lacan | Shit is the languaged Other. |
| Derrida | Deconstruct the privileging of shit over crap. |
| Foucault | Shit was socially constructed in the 17th century. |
| Lyotard | Be skeptical of all meta-shit. |
| Baudrillard | Shit is no longer possible, only the simulacrum of shit. |
| Rawls | Maximize the shit-size of the one who shits least. |
| Chomsky | Corporate media is full of shit. |
| Rorty | It all depends who's shitting. |
| Minsky | Let's make some intelligent artificial shit! |
| Searle | Even if you could make artificial shit that behaved intelligently, it still wouldn't be the real shit. |
[add
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improvements]
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| Diogenes | I will shit in public. |
| Luther | I can shit myself; I do not need the church to shit for me. |
| Benjamin | Mechanical shit is without aura. |
| Habermas | All shitting presupposes the ideal shit situation. |
| Cicero | What times! What shitting! |
| Einstein | The time space coordinates of a piece of shit depend on the motion of the observer of that piece of shit. |
| Dewey | Shit is what shit is experienced as. |
| Croce | Shit, thinking about shit, and the difference between shit and thinking about shit, are all part of the same shitty experience. |
| [your entry here] | |
[add
your own! -or- suggest
improvements]