The entire canon of Western philosophy thru a scatological lens

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© 1998, 2002 Andrew Boyd

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Thales All shit is water.
Anaximander There is an unlimited amount of shit.
Pythagoras Shit is a number.
Xenophanes If shit had a God, God would look like shit.
Parmenides One big, finite, round, motionless, continuous shit.
Heraclitus You can't step in the same shit twice.
Zeno If you can cut shit in half forever, is shit infinite?
Socrates The unexamined shit is not worth shitting.
Plato All shit is a shadow of the Ideal Shit.
Aristotle Shit is what shit does.
Epicurus This shit feels good.
Stoics I can handle this shit.
Sceptics I'm not sure about this shit.
Neoplatonism The First Shit is the best shit.
Augustine We can know God's shit.
Avicenna First there was the universal shit, then all the particular shits.
Averroes God turns potential shit into actual shit.
Maimonides God takes no literal shits, only allegorical ones.
Aquinas In his goodness, God created all this shit.
Occam Given several shits, the simpler shit is more likely to be the true shit.
Copernicus We're not the center of all this shit.
Galileo This shit moves (no matter what the Pope says).
Descartes I shit, therefore I am.
Hobbes This shit is nasty, brutish and short.
Spinoza One big, beautiful, rational, cosmic shit.
Leibniz In every head is a little shithead.
Locke The shape and size of this piece of shit are truly in this shit, but its smell and color are only in my mind.
Berkeley There is no shit, only God's idea of shit.
Hume There is no shit, just me shitting.
Voltaire This is the best of all possible shits.
Rousseau Man is free to shit but is everywhere constipated.
Kant Shit as though everyone were to shit as you shit.
Fichte My shit is even more idealistic than Kant's shit.
Schelling This shit is too beautiful not to be real.
Hegel Shit and anti-shit make better shit (but the 19th century German State is the best shit of all.)
Feurebach You are what you shit.
Marx You have nothing to lose but your shit--you have a whole shit-house to win.
(Lenin) What is to be shit?
(Mao) This shit has a distinctly Chinese character.
Compte The only shit is the shit you can smell.
Mill The greatest shit for the greatest number.
Schopenhauer Will this unhappy shit.
Kierkegaard In fear and trembling I leap into the shit.
Dostoyevski If no shit is true, then all shitting is permitted.
Nietzsche Overcome your shit.
Freud Improper toilet training during the anal stage of psycho-sexual development -- a classic conflict between the id, which derives pleasure from fecal expulsion, and the ego and superego, which represent the practical and societal pressures to control anal activity -- can lead to the formation of an anal retentive character type: an adult, literally, who hasn't fully dealt with their childhood shit.
Jung Your individual shit is an archetype of the collective shit.
James All shit is of one fundamental shittiness, neither just in my mind nor in the toilet.
Russell I will give you a definite description of this shit.
Wittgenstein The shit of which you cannot speak, must be pointed at.
Whitehead Every shit is everywhere at all times.
Bergson We live amidst a dynamic flux of shit.
Heidegger Shit! I was a Nazi.
Arendt Shit! I slept with him.
Husserl Bracket this [shit].
Merleau-Ponty Shit is a bowel movement of the lived and existential body.
Sartre Hell is other people's shit.
De Beauvoir One is not born a shit, but rather becomes a shit.
Camus Rebel against this absurd shit.
Fanon Instead of pretending to be white shit, black shit should violently overthrow colonialism.
Levi-Strauss There can be no raw shit unless some other shit is cooked.
Barthes Even the most natural-looking shit is the product of bourgeois artifice.
Lacan Shit is the languaged Other.
Derrida Deconstruct the privileging of shit over crap.
Foucault Shit was socially constructed in the 17th century.
Lyotard Be skeptical of all meta-shit.
Baudrillard Shit is no longer possible, only the simulacrum of shit.
Rawls Maximize the shit-size of the one who shits least.
Chomsky Corporate media is full of shit.
Rorty It all depends who's shitting.
Minsky Let's make some intelligent artificial shit!
Searle Even if you could make artificial shit that behaved intelligently, it still wouldn't be the real shit.

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Diogenes I will shit in public.
Luther I can shit myself; I do not need the church to shit for me.
Benjamin Mechanical shit is without aura.
Habermas All shitting presupposes the ideal shit
Cicero What times! What shitting!
Einstein The time space coordinates of a piece of shit depend on the motion of the observer of that piece of shit.
Dewey Shit is what shit is experienced as.
Croce Shit, thinking about shit, and the difference between shit and thinking about shit, are all part of the same shitty experience.
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